Student David Jäger denounces 'Davemeister' moniker
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
The Crater College of Delaware sophomore student David "Davemeister" Jäger is fed up with the nickname one of his roommates has bestowed upon him, other members of the house confirmed Tuesday.
Ryan Stevinski bestowed structurally uninspired nicknames upon his roommates this summer.
Malloy then quickly surveyed his surroundings, presumably for Stevinski. "He tried to get 'Maler' to stick for me. It didn't happen."
Added Malloy: "It sounds like 'mallard.' Besides, it's retarded."
Knowledge of the swelling problem similarly spread to tenant Cliff Hermann, a freshman. "Yeah, Dave hates it," Hermann, 18, said. "His last name's Jäger, like [the distilled liqueur] Jägermeister, so he doesn't see the whole point of the Davemeister thing, I guess."
Hermann added, "Ryanski calls me Hermannator […] and I think it's cool."
"Cliff doesn't exactly get it," Malloy asserted.
Despite the apparently conspicuous nature of Jäger's feelings on the soubriquet, his anguish has remained unnoticed by Stevinski. Jäger, who turned 20 last month, objects to the epithet, insisting it sounds "pretty stupid considering [his] last name is Jäger."
"It could easily be Jägermeister," Jäger said. "That'd make a hell of a lot more sense."
At his recent birthday party, relations grew tense. When Stevinski presented a cake he had purchased with the words "Happy Friggin' Birthday Davemeister!" scrawled across it, Jäger admits he "nearly lost it."
This isn't the first byname Jäger has had, but it is the first he's taken offence to. "Back home, I had a few [nicknames]," the Boston native said. "I had a teacher in high school who called me Mick Jäger," after Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger. "Some idiots used to call me 'Fag-er,' but that was in grade school."
"People even called me Mast, for crying out loud!" Mast-Jägermeister AG produces the Jägermeister beverage.
When asked whether he considers Stevinski to be "a little dumb," as Malloy suggested, Jäger commented, "I dunno about that, but he's definitely a shit-for-brains."
Informed of this comment as well as the broad situation, a jocular Stevinski simply scoffed. "First of all," he snickered, "it's shit-for-brain. Duh. I've only got one." He then stood in arrant silence for a prolonged duration before erupting with laughter, knocking over a floor lamp.
"Fag-er! So awesome!"
