CBC airs Two Wonders of Canada after lack of response
Thursday, June 7, 2007
The Crater Citing a lack of response from the Canadian public, the government-operated Canadian Broadcasting Corporation has scrapped its plans to air a viewer-determined Seven Wonders of Canada program, hastily scheduling a segment titled Two Wonders of Canada in its place.
Blank television screens adorn the walls of this mixing room in the CBC's headquarters in Toronto while René Fitzgerald (not pictured) rereads both of the viewer submissions.
Fitzgerald insisted he "can't understand" the lack of responses. The CBC advertised the lead-up to the special extensively, placing the broadcaster's contact information into the hands of virtually all literate Canadians. The baffled program manager estimated that the entire project used up nearly 80 percent of the station's annual funding.
"We spent more money on fighting [Internet] spam and telemarketers than anything else," Fitzgerald said. "Looks like it's back to one-star movies and replays of hockey matches from the seventies to fill out the next seven months."
Added Fitzgerald: "We're the only division of the government that has to put up with telemarketers. I bet you."
Public outlook is mixed, but all Canadians seem to agree that they simply don't care.
"This looks bad for Canada," said Marlene Johnstone, a Vancouver resident. "This unfortunately comes at a time when we just lost the Stanley Cup. And one of the Wonders will probably be hockey." While Johnstone admits she was once an avid CBC viewer, and even voted for The Greatest Canadian—a campaign by the network that foundered in 2004, won by "some guy [she] never even heard of"—she has since become a CTV loyalist.
"I cast my vote every week for American Idol," she proclaimed. "That show is a Wonder. Not one of Canada's, mind you, but it's out there."
Gerald Cummings of Thunder Bay, Ontario expressed hopes of one of the Wonders being placed among the globally cherished Seven Wonders of the World. "You need a real show-stopper when your list is something short, like two," he reasoned. "Most likely [the CBC]'ll make themselves one [of the Wonders]."
Manitoban Vinny Vercotti made predictions of his own. "I got your two Wonders, right here," said Vercotti, his gaudily ringed fingers cupped around his scrotum. He then released his grip to point in the direction of a well-endowed woman strolling the street. "Maybe them two, too."
These assertions, however, remain purely speculation.
"We don't want to give any of them away," Fitzgerald said behind a grin, confirming that all of the suggestions sent in by viewers will be featured in the list. "But I'll tell you this: At least one of the Canadian stereotypes will be proven true."
Part one of Two Wonders of Canada airs tonight at 10:00 p.m. EST, exclusively on the CBC. The second installment will be featured sometime in the CBC's next fiscal year when the necessary funding is appropriated.
